Her Life Now

Thanks for the chance to share my experience since baring it all with your "Just As I Am" project. It has been a very profound experience for me, as I knew it would be. As soon as I heard about your project, I knew instantly, that I would be participating. It was that kind of knowing that comes from somewhere very mystical and magical. That part of me, that always knows what's best for me. And then, like usual, when my ego doesn't approve of my higher self's actions, a little debate started, that went kinda like this... "What are you thinking?" ..."I'm thinking that I'm gonna do this.".... "Are you nuts?" ..."Maybe..maybe not."... "You mean to say, you're gonna let someone take your naked picture, and post it on a website, and put it in an art show, and totally let go of the rights?" ..."Yup, that's what I'm gonna do."... "You can't do that..for one, it's crazy, and for another, you are too fat and too ugly..don't you know, only pretty, thin people are allowed to do that...nobody wants to see you." ..."Maybe...maybe not...but I need to see me, and so I'm gonna do it."

And there it was. I needed to see ME. I didn't totally understand that, at the time. And I didn't know how it would play out. I just knew, with absolute certainty, that this was gonna be a very profound experience.

I still remember the drive to the studio that day, and thinking to myself, "Why don't you just do a private photo shoot? Why do something so public?" But, I knew why. I knew that this was my opportunity to stop living in shame, and it needed to be big. It needed to be bigger than my shame. Bigger than this self-loathing, that I've carried around forever. And I needed to have no way to turn back. Because I always turn back. I always return to that shame. But, not this time. This time, I was gonna make sure that the only direction to go, was forward.

What a surprise the first time I saw my picture. It's not like I hadn't seen myself naked. I'm pretty much a nudist at home, so I often see myself naked. I knew what I looked like. But, something totally different happens, when you see yourself in a photo...naked, vulnerable...captured in a moment in time. You get to really see what others see. (or at least, what you think they see.) At first, all I could see was my big belly, and my fat legs, and I felt embarassed and angry at myself. How could I let myself get so big? I could have asked why, as well, but I knew why. I've always known why. Food has been my comfort...my protection...my way to keep all the bad memories stuffed neatly down. The memories that were too painful to acknowledge. The memories that have been screaming at me for a long, long time. On that day, I knew that I was finally ready to listen. Really listen...with my heart. I was finally strong enough, courageous enough, to hear the truth, that I had always known, deep inside me.

And so, that has been my experience, my work, since being in the project. Coming to terms with what happened to me, long ago, and letting it go...finally. I used to think that remembering would kill me, but the opposite is actaully true. Remembering has set me free. Holding on was killing me. It's really such a relief to have those memories out of me...to let them have air...to let them float out, into the universe, and fly away. And it's an on-going process. Some days are really rough. And some days are blissful, beyond belief. The best part is that I'm starting to feel more whole, more alive, more authentic, and more worthy of love and goodness...and I hold on to that, on the hard days. And the anger is slowly fading. The anger that has been my steady companion, for a long time. In it's place, I'm starting to feel a sense of peace and calm, and sometimes, even forgiveness and gratitude. Gratitude for all the circumstances of my life, that have helped to shape me into the person, that I am today. I would not be this person, had it not all happened...and I'm starting to really like and appreciate ME.

I still see the big belly and the fat legs, when I look at my picture...but, today, I have compassion for this body...this beautiful body that has carried me through so much, with grace and dignity. And I see other things. I see courage, and kindness...trust, and faith. I see the innocence of a little girl, and the determination of a strong woman. And I see the willingness to share myself, with the world....Just As I Am.

Petrified

Well I just finished a meeting that I never would have thought I would have, I just finished a meeting with a guy from Friesens Printing regarding having a book made for the Just As I Am project. I really can’t figure out if I should be excited or petrified or both; I’m excited to have this as a possibility, at the same time terrified about the 10 thousand or so dollars that will be required to make it happen.

At this point I have a few options, I could rob a small bank or even a Credit Union, or I can pray for wisdom; since I don’t have a gun I guess I’ll stick with praying for wisdom as I think through whether we can sell in excess of 250 or so books.

As I’m praying if you happen to have a small bank or Credit Union and feel like making me a huge loan to help make the book project happen feel free to give me a call. If you don’t have a bank but have a personal relationship with Oprah or someone like her, again I would love to hear from you.

Speaking of a book, if you would like to write a bit about your experience we would like to have some of your stories as an option to publish or else there will just be a bunch of my ramblings in there.

Anyways, as always these are just a few things going through my head, have a great week.

Rodney

Your Life Now

I hate to publish something here so quickly after Rod wrote that thought-provoking post (honey, that was amazing...thanks for sharing that with us).

It's just been on my mind to find out how life has changed since participating in the project. I know one person has said she looks at people differently now--she wonders what their stories are.

What about you? Has being in the project changed you or your perspective or reinforced anything for you? We really want to get back in touch with the people of our project (we've been too focused on the production aspect lately).

So, please accept our invitation to share. Please use the level of anonymity you are comfortable with. Remember for the name/url option you can choose whatever name you wish and website/email addresses are not necessary.

Of Beauty and Wealth

As I was driving through the Rocky mountains last week I was struck by how much Beauty and wealth have in common and the more that I thought about it the more humbling it was.

Wealth, if you asked me if I am wealthy the first answer you would probably get after a hearty laugh is a resounding NO, you have to have money to be wealthy!!! In our society we measure wealth in terms of millions, billions or even thousands; but it always ends with dollars, not smiles, hugs, peaceful moments or even people whose lives you’ve touched.

This morning my 5 year old daughter come and cuddled with me for about 20 minutes, my almost 3 year old wanted to give me hugs and kisses and my 7 year old said “I love you daddy” before leaving for school, you can’t buy that so I am forced to ask myself am I wealthy??

I have recently been thinking a lot about the many people who have let me into their lives to capture their essence and memories and I think to myself am I wealthy??

I think of our family; this last year my mother in law has scared us a few times by going into the hospital with severe chest pain, yet as we prayed for her she came out of the hospital with the diagnosis that it was not a heart attack and again I ask myself as a family, are we wealthy??

Beauty; they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, are they on drugs?? If you showed the same image, person, flower, or just about anything to 10 different people you would likely get 10 different answers as to it’s beauty. If this is the case is there really any absolute as to weather someone or something is beautiful? When I think of beauty I think of my wife Sonya, I think of my kids, I think of my clients, and I think of the creation everywhere around me, but am I right, is it all really beautiful?

My kids love to do art, and some of the paintings that my 3 year old comes up with simply bewilder me and yet to him he is proud to show me his latest masterpiece. Is his art beautiful?

I used to think that beauty was in the eye of the beholder but I have come to realize that too many of us as beholders are simply too screwed up to see, recognize and appreciate the beauty around us. My new philosophy is this, Beauty is in the eye of the creator and our creator has blessed us all with an abundance of it. Beauty is all around us and we simply need to open our eyes to appreciate it, so too we are all blessed with an abundance of wealth and our wealth looks different to all of us, but it’s ours to appreciate all we have to do is to open up our eyes and recognise what we have been blessed with.

Beauty and wealth, they look different to all of us and yet all we need to do is look around us to recognize how much of it we are blessed with so the next time you look into a mirror open your eyes and look hard to see how beautiful you are and how much you bless the lives around you and you will realize just how beautiful and wealthy you really are.

Blessings,

Rodney

Thanksgiving…. a little late

I love thanksgiving, it’s one time of the year where we are really encouraged to be very thankful and to intentionally stop, look at life and be grateful. This year I have many things to be very grateful for; I have my wife Sonya without whom I don’t know what I would do, I have my three wonderful children who make me smile so often, we have my family and my in-laws all of whom are wonderful people that I am thankful for and God has blessed us with health and strength.

When I think of thanksgiving I’m also overcome with a sense of extreme gratitude for our clients without whom we wouldn’t have our business and without whom we would not be the people we are today. I feel so thankful for each one of you, you make me smile whenever I think of you, it’s an honour to know you as people and to have you as clients and I think the ultimate honour for us is when you refer us to your friends because then we know that we have been able to impact your lives in some way.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

This week I have a special thank you to send out, in the past few weeks I have had the honour of sharing in and capturing forever in print the nuptials of my cousins daughter, capturing the maternity and newborn images of both clients and close friends, creating family heirlooms in some family portrait sessions and of course our specialty capturing the beauty and mystery that is “woman”. This week I also had the opportunity to spend the best part of the day with a group of women that work together, the 4 of them decided to come in to do an Eve Session as a Christmas gift to the men in their lives who had everything, well almost everything. These men will soon find out they didn’t have what they wanted most, some amazing images of the women they love. Girls, thank you for an amazing time, I had so much fun with you as we laughed, texed back and forth to co-workers, talked about them, ate great food, drank good drinks (Pepsi for we, wine coolers for the girls) and created amazing images in one of the most fun sessions I’ve ever had here at the studio.

I’m trying to teach my kids to have an “Attitude of Gratitude” and instead of grumping about things to simply be thankful and as I try to live that out I find myself a happier and more fulfilled person; so thank you all for everything you do to make my life better, I really appreciate you more than you will ever know.

Rodney

Dr. Oz's H1N1 Tips

Thanks to one of our "Just As I Am" participants for passing this along.

The following advice, given by Dr. Oz, makes a lot of sense and is important for all to know: The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions.

Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is. While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat or bathe.)

3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine or Hydrogen Peroxide if you don't trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water, or hydrogen peroxide. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose softly once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.

Glee

I’ve been hooked on a TV. show lately called Glee. Glee is a show about a musical group in a high school made up of some “cool kids” and some “looser kids”, it’s a place where in that group status really doesn’t matter until you walk out the door. This week it was revealed to the school that Quinn the head cheerleader was pregnant and she and her quarterback boyfriend Finn immediately went from cool to uncool.

Finn & Quinn tried everything they could think of to try to get cool again but all to no avail. I sat there thinking about how we all really just want to be cool or at least acceptable to those around us; I know that in high school I didn’t usually feel like I was in the “in” crowd.

Life is so much bigger than what people think of us, let’s all go out there and live life to the fullest; hug your kids, smell the fresh air and enjoy the many blessings that we have.

Rodney